Why Relationships Matter

Humans are relational creatures. We’re wired to depend on one another to survive and thrive. We’re meant to keep each other safe and move each other toward our most authentic, creative, and effective selves. 

The quality of our relationships therefore have a huge impact on our happiness and wellbeing. Good relationships help regulate our nervous system and emotions, build a positive sense of self, and have even been shown to be a protective factor against physical health issues. It can also be meaningful to know that being a good partner or friend is making someone we care about happier and more well too.

When Relationships Feel Hard

Unfortunately, building strong relationships can be challenging. Our early relationships set the stage for how we show up in relationships as adults. And if we were hurt or neglected when we were young, defensive strategies surrounding these wounds can cause us to reflexively behave in ways that kept us safe but cut us off from connection. 

You might notice patterns like pulling away when things get close, over-functioning to keep the peace, feeling easily rejected, or getting stuck in cycles of conflict. You may also find yourself overthinking every interaction, feeling like your needs are “too much,” or struggling to trust that others are truly there for you.

Cultural and social influences can also pose challenges. In the West, independence tends to be over-valued, which may leave us with a skewed idea of relational health. Or, the adults surrounding us when we were little and learning may not have had solid relationships for us to look to as examples. And without a good model of a healthy relationship, we might not know what one looks like.

If we don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like or we’re reflexively interacting with others using protective strategies, our relationships can become a source of hurt and stress rather than happiness, wellbeing, and meaning.

How Individual Therapy Can Help Relationship Issues

In my approach to therapy, we gently explore your relational patterns with warmth and curiosity. Together, we notice the automatic thoughts, sensations, impulses, and emotions that get activated in your relationships. As you start to witness these patterns, you create more space to choose how you want to show up.

We also work with the deeper layers: the attachment wounds, childhood experiences, and systemic pressures that shaped how you relate to others. You don’t need perfect memories or detailed stories. We focus on how these past experiences live in your present-day body and nervous system.

Therapy can also help you sense into what healthy relationships might look like to you, and support you in taking steps to create those. Over time, you can begin to move toward relationships that feel safer, more reciprocal, and more aligned with who you really are.