What are relationship issues?

Humans are relational creatures. We’re wired to depend on one another to survive and thrive. We’re meant to keep each other safe and move each other toward our most authentic, creative, and effective selves. 

The quality of our relationships therefore have a huge impact on our happiness and wellbeing. Good relationships help regulate our nervous system and emotions, build a positive sense of self, and have even been shown to be a protective factor against physical health issues. It can also be meaningful to know that being a good partner or friend is making someone we care about happier and more well too.

Unfortunately, building strong relationships can be challenging. Our early relationships set the stage for how we show up in relationships as adults. And if we were hurt or neglected when we were young, defensive strategies surrounding these wounds can cause us to reflexively behave in ways that kept us safe but cut us off from connection. 

Cultural and social influences can also pose challenges. In the West, independence tends to be over-valued, which may leave us with a skewed idea of relational health. Or, the adults surrounding us when we were little and learning may not have had solid relationships for us to look to as examples. And without a good model of a healthy relationship, we might not know what one looks like.

If we don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like or we’re reflexively interacting with others using protective strategies, our relationships can become a source of hurt and stress rather than happiness, wellbeing, and meaning. We might feel disconnected or distrusting, get caught in painful cycles of conflict, struggle to communicate and collaborate with others, or neglect ourselves to keep the peace. 

How does individual therapy help relationship issues?

Our work together can help you understand your patterns and tendencies in relationships, as well as process past relational hurts that contribute to these. By witnessing your reflexive behaviours, thoughts, emotions, and sensations in relationships, you can create room to choose what you want to bring to the dynamic. 

Therapy can also help you sense into what healthy relationships might look like to you, and support you in taking steps to create those.