What is Self Worth?

Our self worth is our internal sense of being inherently worthy of love, care, and belonging. It’s not an evaluation of our actions or achievements, but instead about who we are at our core.

When self worth is solid, we know we’re good enough. We see ourselves as valuable and deserving, simply because we exist. 

When self worth is shaky or low, it can feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with you. You might move through the world with the belief that you’re not enough, that you’re too much, or that you don’t quite belong. Or perhaps the belief is that you’re bad, undeserving, or broken. Even when others reassure you otherwise, it doesn’t really land. You still see yourself as someone unworthy. 

The Impact of Low Self Worth

Low self worth can show up in many different ways. You might notice harsh self-criticism or an inner voice that feels relentless and unforgiving. Maybe that voice shuts you down completely, or maybe it leads to perfectionism, driving you to get everything “right” in the hope that it will finally make you feel okay inside. 

In relationships, you might find yourself over-accommodating, struggling to say no or set boundaries, or putting up with harmful behaviour. It can feel like you’re wearing a mask, keeping parts of you hidden out of fear they won’t be accepted. You might even pull away from relationships altogether, convinced you don’t deserve the support and appreciation that can come with close connection.

Low self worth can also be linked to self sabotaging patterns. When we think very little of ourselves, it’s not hard to get in our own way or put off giving ourselves the care we need. 

How Low Self Worth Develops

For many people, low self worth forms as a response to early relational experiences. If love, safety, or approval felt inconsistent or conditional growing up, your nervous system learned how to adapt. As children, we usually don’t have the option to leave relationships or environments that hurt us. We either depend too much on them or we just don’t get a say. Instead, we learn to adjust ourselves in order to stay in those connections.

Sometimes that means cutting ourselves off from our inherent sense of value and goodness. Seeing ourselves as worthy of care and protection can bring us one one step closer to pushing back against the mistreatment of people or systems. And while that might sound like a good thing now, it can often feel too risky for a vulnerable nervous system. Pushing back has the potential to lead to relational rupture or physical danger, and our bodies can sense that before our conscious brain makes the connection. Internalizing blame and making ourselves small is often the safer bet, especially when we’re little or don’t have many resources to protect ourselves. 

Because the path toward the safer bet is taken outside of our awareness, low self worth becomes an automatic, implicit way of relating to the world. We can’t just affirmation our way out of it; we usually have to go a little deeper.

How Therapy Can Help Self Worth

My approach to therapy is non-judgemental and trauma-focused. I believe you’re not broken, and you don’t need to be fixed. In session, we’ll slow things down and get curious about how low self worth shows up in your present experiences. We’ll also work collaboratively to understand how your sense of self has been shaped, without blaming you or pathologizing you.

Rather than just talking about self worth, we work at the root. By processing past experiences and tending to the ways they still live in your nervous system today, the grip of the past can slowly loosen. As you release the past, space opens up to see yourself in a new light — one that’s more conducive to feeling confident and at home in who you are. 

I also recognize that many people remain vulnerable as they navigate systems in which pushing back can be dangerous, even in the present. Healing isn’t always as simple as letting go of the past. We’ll listen to what your nervous system is telling you about the here and now of your life, while supporting you to feel whole and worthy through it.